


Sinister Party Planning

by ScientistSalarian



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Tumblr Prompt, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-25 21:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12044469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScientistSalarian/pseuds/ScientistSalarian
Summary: I was given this super fun prompt on Tumblr, "The store ran out of Easter eggs." I figured only Shepard and Jack could end up turning something so silly into something sinister.





	Sinister Party Planning

"You're moping." Jack stated with her arms folded across her chest. She rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall. Her expression more than betrayed the judgement she was feeling towards her girlfriend.

"I think the moping is obvious." Shepard answered huffily. She spun around in her chair with her head leaned back, staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah well, what's not obvious is why you're moping. You're usually little-miss-positive. We've had Reapers halfway up our asses and you still acted like everything was fine." Jack walked over to where Shepard was still slowly rotating her chair in circles and held onto her shoulders, stopping her mid-spin. "So if you're sad about something I'm assuming it's worse than Reapers and we're pretty much all doomed so we may as well spend our last remaining hours fucking each other senseless." 

Shepard immediately felt self-concious. She certainly didn't feel like she could tell Jack what had her so down after such a bold assertion. She couldn't look away from Jack's piercing gaze though and she knew she had to come clean. "Look, it's kind of stupid..." Shepard began knowing full well that as soon as she confided in Jack, the teasing would be merciless and ceaseless. 

"Exactly how stupid are we talking?" Jack asked with piqued curiousity. 

Shepard sighed and scratched her head nervously. "ThestoreranoutofEastereggs." She mumbled, forcing all the words into one incoherent blob of nonsense.

"What?" Jack thought she'd caught the gist of it but she needed Shepard to repeat it just to be sure she'd heard her correctly.

"I said..." Shepard took a deep breath, "the store ran out of Easter eggs." This time she said the words slowly so she wouldn't have to suffer the indignity of repeating them a third time. 

Jack stared at her skeptically before realizing that Shepard wasn't joking. She immediately burst into laughter and held onto the back of Shepard's chair, fearing she might actually fall over. She tried to speak but couldn't form any sort of recognizable words amidst her almost wheezing laughter. 

"You laugh, but I said I was going to plan this Easter party thing because it was an excuse to get the old Normandy crew back together and I can't do a damn Easter egg hunt without Easter eggs." Shepard sounded legitimately put out by whole ordeal.

"It's a party, you can just bring a bunch of booze and people will be fine." Jack said as she finally was able to speak again. "It's just a dumb kids' game anyway." 

"I know, but this would be a dumb kids game that our crew of extremely competitive aliens will all want to be the best at. I'm not sure who will cause more distruction, Grunt headbutting anything trying to find them or Javik tearing the place apart so as to not be bested by 'filthy primitives'." As soon as Shepard finished explaining her line of thinking Jack immediately understood why it was so important to Shepard to have Easter eggs at the ready. This might just be the most costly Easter egg hunt in terms of damages to ever exist in the history of the tradition. 

Jack's face went from mocking to deathly serious. "This needs to happen." Her words were cold and purposeful as she realized the full extent of the entertainment they would witness, should they be able to procure the brightly colored eggs. 

"I'm glad you understand now," Shepard said matching Jack's serious tone. An evil grin spread across her face as she asked Jack, "Do you think we should get them drunk first, just to ensure that all their inhibitions are properly obliterated?" 

"Oh they don't even get to begin searching for them until they've done at least an hour of drunken trash talk. I want legitimate threats of violence before this thing kicks off." Jack was already looking forward to this party more than any other party she'd ever attended. "Have I told you lately that you're a genius?" Jack asked with a seductive smirk.

"Come to think of it, I don't think you have." Shepard answered as she pulled Jack into her lap. She wrapped her arms around Jack's waist and kissed her sweetly. The two of them shared a devilish grin between kisses and Jack stood up and pulled Shepard out of her chair. 

"Have I also told you how sexy it is when you plot to use our friends' violent tendencies for our own amusement?" Jack cooed in Shepard's ear before dragging her by the arm and shoving her forcefully down onto the bed. 

"No but I may have had an inkling that you'd feel that way." Shepard was playing coy and pretended to sound far more innocent than she actually was. She didn't care that Jack had the habit of bringing out her more impulsive side. 

Jack pressed her lips to Shepard's and allowed them to longer before grazing her teeth against Shepard's bottom lip. "How about this, you give me what I want right now in this bed, and I'll give you what you want by scouring the whole damn galaxy until we find some fucking pastel eggs."

Shepard pulled off Jack's clothes in a lustful fervor and looked her in the eye. "I think we have a deal."


End file.
